Two Faces of the Same Coin

I have come to the tail end of the household surveys in Mapantig-Kenram. It was a physically exhausting but an extremely rewarding. Listening to women's stories, observing their courageous faces, marveling their strength and fortitude and understanding their lives really made me feel privileged. I thank the universe which made this dream possible. I attest to the strength and beauty of women in this world, without whom it would cease to exist. 

I had an able and reliable friend who patiently held my hand throughout the interviews. She was patient, attentive and involved. I respect her humbleness and ability to include me effectively in the process. I would not have been able to complete this without Zen's steady hands and kind treatment. I learnt a lot from her and developed mutual respect for her local knowledge and passion to serve her community. 

Zenia in orange top

Benevolent dictators and tyrants 

Yesterday was a particularly interesting day for me because I witnessed patriarchy manifest in the husbands' of two respondents. They are from the same community and religious denomination. Today, we had decided to gather respondents in one area for expediency sake and brought them to a gazebo like structure where the women could sit down in the shade and talk to us. This was behind a sari-sari store which obstructed the visibility of anyone standing behind it.

Respondent L (to protect her identity) has 8 children and works as a loose fruit picker. L got married when she was 15 years old through an arranged marriage. During the interview we learned that the respondent was the first wife of a man who had 3 other wives. She was supporting her family with minimal input from him. However, he controlled most of the important resources which was necessary for the family. He was the co-op member who had the benefits such as co-op store credit, earnings from dividends and access to loans and subsidies.  

She had an income which did not exceed P 1000 - 1500 a month and she is currently the main bread winner for her family. Without our knowledge, L's husband had sneaked in to eavesdrop on the interview as it was progressing. We noticed that her voice had reduced to a mere whisper and her reluctance to share had become apparent. Zen realized what the matter was when she saw L's husband. He had been hiding behind the sari-sari store. Although, the interview had not ended, he walked in at the point we were wrapping up. As a token of my appreciation, I usually give the women a brooch for their participation. I usually have a few brooches pinned to a cardboard and ask them to choose their favourite colour. I had asked her to choose her favourite colour when he hovered close behind her and issued an order, "Just choose one!". She submissively picked one up without really looking at it and hurried away. Most respondents would take their time to choose a colour they fancied, but this was not the case with L. She meekly climbed onto his bike and they sped away in a cloud of dust. I was seething with anger and frustration at what had just happened. 

Respondent S's situation was a little more encouraging, though not really better. Her husband was the benevolent dictator, when I first walked into their house. He was busy washing a pile of clothes which he left half way to assist in translating for his wife who only spoke a dialect called Magindanaoan. She was a shy and soft spoken woman who seemed amused by the entire process. The husband was supposed to consult the wife for her answers and let us know what her opinion was to our questions. Though, Zen was my translator, she did not understand this particular dialect. I have been very lucky that Zen could handle Cebuano, Tagalog and Illongo. This was the first respondent who stumped us. However, we were glad the husband could help. After going through basic details, we started on the opinion questions which he answered without even referring to her! I quickly scribbled the comment "husband hijacked the interview". We had to proceed because we did not want to offend, though it seemed like they shared household chores equally, it was clear who was in charge. 

He was a religious authority of sorts and out of the blue, the interview started revolving around him. He was very proud of his role as a provincial expert on religion and started dropping names to us. The clincher was when he offered to read the holy book for us to show us his prowess. We politely agreed and he was very good at it. However, I just suddenly felt I lost this woman due to my lack of ability to control the situation which made me seethe with frustration. Two strikes in a row! It was however an amazing insight into the lives of women whose voices, bodies and thoughts are controlled by men. Both culture and religion were used to advantage men and privilege them, silencing the women effectively. It is beginning to look like a trend in this community.